So I would say this week was very similar to a ritz cracker smothered with easy cheese. I love ritz crackers but easy cheese.... that's another story! THIS WEEK WAS HARD! I've never been sad on my mission. Yes, I've had sad days and sad hours but this whole week was just so hard. And I didn't know what to do. I was frantically flipping through things I love. Scriptures I love, emails I've loved, words I love, quotes I love... but nothing helped... except for the quote I wrote on the first day in the mtc in my journal. "whelp I hit rock bottom... which is always my favorite place to start!" But I think I just saw a whole lot of hard, sad things and it all just caught up to me. I think Heavenly Father also wanted me to understand a few people that I haven't been able to understand. But this week one of the sweet sisters that I have been serving with went home because of depression and I just felt so sad! I wished I could have done something more to help her!
This story will be way too hard to explain in the time I have but Wednesday morning we had an appointment at 5151 (the place that's like suiting up for hiking the windrivers) at 8 a.m. which we never have. So we left before studying and of course the appointment cancelled so we had no idea what to do. 8 a.m. Texans aren't just happily awake at that hour. So we decided to go to our favorite pond and study. We had been there about an hour when this think, juicy, black guy with lion jeans and a USA sweatshirt walks over to the pond like he's about to jump in. I was like, "hna. K look this guys gunna go for a swim!!!" but as he started walking back up the hill he came and popped a squat on our bench. We were both very scared with the bloody scratches all over his head and the bruises everywhere. He asked, "who are you guys?" We told him very quickly, "we are missionaries." Very frightened very very frightened and I'm terrible-all I could see was how scary he looked and I was ready to run. He just looks at us in the eyes so hopelessly, "NOOO WAYYY YOU TWO ARE MISSIONARIES?? I can't believe God would send two missionaries here where I came to end my life. I came here because I want out. I've done too many stupid things and I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. God wants me back. I don't want to suffer anymore. I already lit my car on fire this morning and the police are looking for me. You guys don't want to know the things I've done. God will never forgive me." Right then and there I instantly saw him how God sees him. He was so precious to him. We testified and talked about the Atonement of Jesus Christ for about an hour with Caleb but he was determined to end his life. He was like, "I've already made the decision. I'm going to die today. God wants me back." and we told him, " Caleb, God doesn't want you back. If he did, he would do it himself. We are here to tell you that the answer is no! God doesn't want you back! He will take you in his own time. He has a plan for you!" After about 2 hours of just laughing and testifying he walked away and said, "You girls gotta go save some more lives today!" It was a very scary powerful life changing experience! God places us in peoples path for a reason. He was so mind blown that God placed us in each others paths. He was like,"holy cow, if this isn't a sign from God I don't know what is!" Life is so beautiful and it makes me so sad how complicated people make it! We are praying he is still alive!
This week was also just feeling with so many horrible marriages! It makes me so sad to see how some of these hispanic men treat their wives. I want to give them so many spankings! We also had to drop Diana this week and it just made me cry and cry because she is someone I just adore and she's so ready to be baptized but she won't do it!
So every Saturday night we have 30 minutes to prepare for the sacrament. And at the first of my mission I was like SWEET DOGGY DOGGY. Time to shine the shoes, iron my skirts, curl my hair, get my coloring books and treats ready but no I've learned how powerful the sacrament is when I actually prepare for it. Usually I try to sacrifice something that I can be better at during the week like I'll sacrifice my thought and only think about the savior or sacrifice fear of men. Whatever it might be. But this Saturday I just felt so weighed down. I felt so so sad! I felt very similar to Moses "I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me. "so I prayed and I prayed because I hate feeling sad! And i said, "Heavenly Father I can barely carry my own weight right now. Please help me be able to carry all of these people with joy.
And yesterday as I was taking the sacrament it was the most beautiful day! Heavenly Father told me, "why are you so weighed down?? You've never even had to carry your own weight and you'll never have to!" Sundays are not really a day of rest physically as missionaries but they are rest for my soul! and I AM BACK TO BEING AS HAPPY AS A TRIPLE PACK OF BUBBLE GUM!!!
I love being a missionary! And I love the people I meet here in Houston. The good and the scary!
love you fam!
natsy!
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